February 14th, 2012


Follow Ups

After looking back at yesterday's entry on Something Borrowed, I think I should probably clarify something. When I was talking about the toxic friendship, I wasn't implying that it excused cheating. I was mostly reacting to all the reader/audience reviews of the book and movie that went along the lines of "OMG! How dare she betray her BFF!" If that's what a "best friend" is, then I'll become a hermit (or even more of one). There's plenty of blame to go around, which was what made it a fairly complex book and a fairly despicable movie. I'm inclined to put most of the blame on the guy because I think if you can cheat while you're engaged or if you even think you're in love with someone else while you're engaged, you should call off the wedding, period. Even if the other person doesn't want to pursue a relationship, if you can fall in love with someone else then the person you're engaged to probably isn't the right one. So, if all they'd done was acknowledge that they'd always had feelings for each other, so that he realized he'd made some major decisions without knowing all the facts, and then he knew he was marrying the wrong person and called off the wedding, then I don't think the friendship was special enough that she should have avoided being with the guy once he was free just because he'd been engaged to her friend. Really, though, in the movie I think she'd have been better off ditching both the guy and the friend and realizing that her other friend, the one who cared about her and was there for her, was her real best friend, and he was also cute and in love with her, so he could have been her boyfriend, too. Let the others deserve each other.

Then again, the "best friend" was also a jerk in the first place because a real friend wouldn't make a play for the guy her best friend has a crush on. Perhaps I'm overly sensitive on that account because I briefly had a "friend" like that. If I ever mentioned any interest in a guy, the next thing I knew, she'd be all over him, even though she had a boyfriend. She kept all these guys strung along, I guess with the hint that if she ever broke up with her boyfriend, they'd be next in line, and in the meantime she had them available for giving her rides, carrying heavy things, etc. Once I noticed the pattern, I started testing it by naming random guys, and sure enough, the moment I indicated interest, she jumped in to intercept. But I didn't put up with it. I found other friends. And none of those guys ever ran after me when I got uncomfortable and left the two of them alone (like the guy in the movie did), so I have a feeling they wouldn't have been interested in me even if she hadn't made a play for them. Oddly enough, when she did break up with her boyfriend, she didn't end up with any of those guys. She went for the one guy I couldn't stand, so I'm pretty sure it wasn't just a coincidence that we had the same taste.

Now, for another follow-up. After that one school district made the silly decision to use federal funds to take only the fifth-grade boys to see the Red Tails movie, while the girls stayed in the classroom to watch a movie about a spelling bee, there were school districts who did it right. A couple of districts in the area did the movie outing as an extracurricular activity on a Saturday, involved eighth-graders and up (because they didn't want to take kids younger than 13 to a PG-13 movie), involved both boys and girls, paid for it through private donations, and included such educational components as a documentary about the Tuskegee Airmen, a talk from an actual Tuskegee Airman (on the news stories, that seemed to be the thing that had the most impact on the kids. They were in awe of getting to meet him after seeing the movie) plus presentations from people who worked in a variety of aspects of aviation, including air force veterans, aerospace engineers and airline employees. That's doing it right. I kind of wish I could have gone to that program.

Oh yeah, and it's Valentine's Day. I'm really not saying this out of bitter singleness, but I don't really get this holiday. I can see celebrating your anniversary, but I don't understand why some arbitrary day that may or may not have anything to do with your relationship has to be some kind of high-pressure demonstration of your love for each other. I'd be far more impressed by flowers on some random day than on a day when a massive advertising blitz has delivered the message that it's mandatory. Maybe I'm just enough of a diva to want any special day to be all about me and not a special day I'm sharing with everyone else in the world.

I made brownies yesterday, so I've got my chocolate taken care of for the day, and I'm making a pizza for dinner. That will be my celebration. And then if I've been really good in getting work done, I'll maybe watch a movie. Otherwise, I'll be working.